America F*** Yeah!

Hello all

Time again for another update, last time we left the blog we were in Honduras heading south for Nicaragua, scuba licenses in hand and spirits high.

Well that is where we should have stayed, as Nicaragua ended up being a bit of a nightmare. I am sure the country is fine and beautiful really, i just didnt happen to experience much more than my hotel room for a week as i contracted dengue fever. A nasty mosquito born fever that has flu like symptoms, combined with high spiking fever, nasuea and an overwhelming urge to top yourself to escape the agony you are in. It is during these times that you realise it is great to have a good travelling buddy and Carrie lookd after me and we were soon back on the road again, energy levels down, but eagerly looking forward to our short time in Costa Rica.

Costa Rica was a magic place, and i am looking forward to returning one day and doing a bit more exploring. Costa Rica is the country where they shot Jurassic Park, and although we didnt see any dinosaurs we did get to see lots of native animals and vegetation, a highlight being a hike into an open volcano crater lake. It was in Costa Rica that Carrie celebrated her 27th Birthday, in a true show of romantacism i took her to the pasagoya steak house where we enjoyed a lovely meal before me passing out soon thereafter (i swear it was the dengue).... owe you one kiki!!

From Costa Rica it was back to the USA, a genius piece of planning by my travel agent saw us flying backwards to go forwards, dont mind the reroute through Dallas either, but after some long yards we lobbed into Los Angeles in the late afternoon. We were lucky to make it any further in our travels as the first bus trip we took away from the airport saw a dishelved old white man (who had just lost a packet at the races evidently) start cursing at god and generally anyone who would listen. This was interpreted by the other members of the bus as being apparently racist and they therfore started screaming at him calling him a cracker. It did not take long for Carrie and I to do the math and look around and see that we were the only two other white people on the bus and we had front row tickets to the makings of a Los Angeles race riot. Thankfully after many promises of popped caps and dead ritz crackers our stop came up and we were off!

Our first day in LA saw Carrie (and well maybe me) realise a life long dream and head to Disney Land! It was great fun and saw us partake in many rides and see most of the sites. Disney Land is truly a magic place, it puts smiles on kids faces and puts $15 pricetags on all of the hamburgers! Despite the outrageous ques, outrageous prices and outrageous Americans we had a great time.

The next day had us hiring a car, an apparent compact size four door Nissan Centra that the clerk behind the desk swore would be far too small. Whilst in the store 4 other Americans declined this same car as it would be too small. Truly everything is bigger in the states, the roads, the buildings, the portions, the cars and the arses. After forms, more forms, mistakes about our accents, wrong cars and several phone calls Carrie and I were in the silver sloop and off onto the interstate to see me realising my life long dream, Disney Land for adults - Las Vegas (yeah baby). Despite a 5 hour drive across baffling higways and barren desert where the temperature soared at about 45 degrees C we made it into town and stayed the first night in Circus Circus, one of the older more famous hotels on the strip. Made famous for circus acts being performed above your head while you are gambling. As if there is not enough to concentrate on you have to block out gorgeous athletic women in sequined G-Strings flipping around above your head. Needless to say my first black jack experience was a losing one.

It was the next day where i rolled my sleves up, licked my lips and went about trying to justify the image of B Julian Poker Professional that i have been building in my head for so long (and telling anyone that will listen). I enrolled myself into the Riveria Open Texas Hold-Em No Limit Tournament a casual little tournament that i went on to win. I then finished third and then equal first in my next two tournaments. Whilst i finished somewhat worse than when i started it still ensured that i left Vegas with cash in the pocket and an even greater belief that the world of professional gambling is the life for me. In another good result Carrie also had a third place finish in a poker tournament, good results all round which lightened the heavy burden of travelling Vegas with the poor old Aussie Dollar!

Besides the poker, Vegas was a truly amazing place, im not sure how long you could stay without turning a little insane, but to stay on the strip (a collection of massive hotels that sprung up on the highway) was a great experience.

Our second and third night saw us staying in the 4000 room mega hotel MGM Grand. A hotel so big it required its own Lion Enclosure (naturally), Cirque De Soleil show and shopping mall. We managed to get a room on the 28th floor, and it is up there that you realise Las Vegas is truly a collection of giant hotels that have sprung up in the middle of nowhere. We took the opportunity to sneak out of Vegas for a little while and give the silver sloop a run towards the Arizona state line. We saw the mightily impressive hoover dam, and i even managed to rub the feet of a lucky statue for some extra luck (i swear good players dont need it) I went on to suffer some heavy losses, and have since learnt that probably when you are on a good thing stick with it.


Our last night in Vegas was spent at the Hotel SanFrancisco, the first hotel in Vegas, and home to the original 99c shrimp cocktail. The establishment had apparently served millions of them, and i soon added my name to the list. By the time i had checked out they needed to add some new numbers to the board, i certainly loaded up!

And to all of those predicting that Carrie and I might have got married in Vegas on the way, we have enclosed a photo of the sort of chapel we were thinking about using before we left, it was only the thought of not having a few family members crammed into the backseat as witnesses that stopped us. Maybe by the time we get back to Adelaide they may have installed the first drive thru wedding chapel and we could make the picture perfect wedding a reality! Getting out of the car is just too damned inconvenient for something like ordering onion rings or getting married.....

Vegas is an amazing place, there is something happening at any hour of the clock, there are shows running constantly, tournaments, gambling, theme parks all fuelled with free alchohol (dont forget the tips though) so it was with heavy hearts that we left Vegas for San Francisco (well i had a heavy heart, i think carrie was glad to pull me away from the tables). We enjoyed a leisurely 9 hour drive across more 45 degree desert before arriving, with no map into the myriad of steep one way streets and 4 way stop signs of San Francisco.

The Americans (along with alot of other things such as an Australian accent) have never heard of a round-about, and their intersections basically have a 4 way stop sign where everyone must stop (or at least slow) and then it is survival of the fittest to see who can bully thru the intersection, i assume this is one of the reasons Americans favour large "trucks" (i assume the other reason is these cars are the only ones capable of carrying the wieght loads). Despite this we did manage to find ourselves an econolodge (nothing economical about it though) and crash for the night. The next day saw us touring around the city, seeing alcratraz and hiring bikes and riding across the Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco is a truly beautiful city, and shares alot of similarities with Sydney.

From San Francisco it was back into the trusty Nissan Centra 1.8L beast of burden for the drive along Highway 1 back to LA. I had assumed that touring at 65mph would see us arriving around 9 hours later in LA. 3 hours of crawling at 25mph saw us planning a stop for the night in Santa Barbara. The drive itself was wonderful and took us through some of the most picturesque settings imaginable. We passed through the giant redwoods of Big Sur and then to the small town of Carmel by the Seaside, made famous by having Clint Eastwood as their mayor. We didnt see Clint, but we did see a female policewoman that looked like Clint, attempting to sort out some trouble at a 4 way stop sign. The night in Santa Barbara was uneventful and the next day we passed further along to Los Angeles, taking us through the underwhelming Malibu on the way. Onward to downtown and it was here that i got to visit my first Frank Gehry building. Famous for the morphis shapes of the Guggenheim in Bilbao Spain, Frank is now churning out stainless steel twisted buildings by the dozen, but nevertheless this was an impressive building to wander around and provided some stunning views of the rest of the city scape.

For our last evening in LA Carrie and I did what everyone should do when on Hollywood Bvd. Get the hell out of the hourly crowd motel you are staying in and get to the movies. We chose the famous Graumans Chinese Theatre and watched the next installment in the Harry Potter Septology. Not being a current member of Phillips/Pilkington saw me going into a Harry Potter Movie fresh for the first time, but needless to say (and i dont want to ruin it for anyone) you know who shows up, miraculously Harry defends himself, and all is left hanging for the next movie, where no doubt Harry will end up back again with the Dursleys (why doesnt he do what any teenager would do and just piss off and move out with Ron and hit the turps over Summer). It was a great experience being in a place so heaped with history and tradition, and a humbling experience realising that i may have shared the same urinal as Harrison Ford or Tom Hanks, probably more humbling for the urinal though i would imagine.

Well we have now left the USA, after cramming an awful lot in in 10 days. We are now in Peru, back to speaking (trying anyway) Spanish. The cold weather has hit us badly, we had a top of around 11 today, far climbs from the 45 everyday of Vegas. I´m off now to try in vain to find another poker table, take care eveyone, send us an email if you get the chance!

Carrie and I have done a double blog entry, (see below) detailing a few points we found of interest from our times in Central America, read on fellow and future travellers!

Brett & Carrie

Chicken Buses & The Rest of Central America

Well we have left Central America, a stunning region and a place that Carrie and I enjoyed immensely. Sadly our stay seemed altogether too brief, but the time has come to move on, we have written a few things down below which were fun to write, give them a read comments are welcome.

A ride on a chicken bus in Central America is an unavoidable part of travelling in the region. They are inexpensive (usually, although the standard gringo charge is in effect in most of guatemala), frequent, and generally your only option.

Carrie and i have noticed a few do´s and dont´s and have jotted them down for future reference for anyone travelling in the region.

1.
To ride a chicken bus you must be able to whistle. No bells, dingers or stop buttons on these buses, a whistle to the driver from any part of the bus, on any stretch of road will signal the need for an immediate stop. A loud yell is seen as uncouth to fellow bus mates and chances of a bus driver stopping are relatively low. A bang on the roof will suffice at a pinch, but a whistle especially from a gringo usually draws nods of approvement from the locals and a chorus of beunos dias from the staff members.
2.
The number of men (we did not see one woman working on the buses in 3 months) required to work the bus for any length of route is a minimum of 2, but 3 is preferrable. One is obviously the driver, whose primary responsibility is to drive, overtake and generally set the loudness of the radio (see below). The second mans responsibility is to hang out of the open door screaming the direction of the travel and generally trying to cram as many people into the bus as possible. He will then collect the money (no set fees though) from the passengers based on how far along the route they will be going. It is this mans responsiblity for climbing to the roof to retreive parcels. If there is a third man on the bus he will generally oversee the work of the junior money collector inbetween napping on a specially vacated seat just for him.
3.
The bus is to have originally been a school bus from the United States of America, buses retaining the orginal bright yellow colour still have some cred, but far better is a bus that has had a new paint job and some sort of slogan written in flames. The interior of the bus is to be decorated with as many stickers as possible. The choice is at the discretion of the bus driver, but Winnie the Pooh and looney tunes characters are most admired and therefore popular with the locals.
4.
The bus is never full. As a passenger you have a responsibility to fit as many people onto a seat as possible, if you are standing you must push back into others as much as possible, if instructed by the second in charge that you must squeeze tighter to the people next to you, you must shuffle your feet, smile and make a feeble attempt to move. Although this is usually impossible they still always manage to get the additional people on board (no matter how long it takes) then it is the second in charges responsibility to return to the front door and continue screaming out the name of the town to be travelled too in an attempt to gather more passengers.
5.
It is the riders responsibility to check the destination. When riding it is important to ask both driver and second in charge, and a passenger or two to check, it is not uncommon for the driver to guarantee that he will take you to a town to find out that you are in fact heading in the wrong direction and the driver only wanted to secure your fare, not actually get you to your destination.
6.
The selling of goods will be permitted at all times. Hawkers may lob on the bus any time its speed dips below 5km/h to sell their wares. Goods of any description may be sold, we have encountered just about everything on our travells from water, seaweed viagra, shoes, lighter refills to medication, fully cooked hot dinners and coconut bread. Hawkers wishing to travel on the bus may ride until sufficient interest in their goods has subsided, they will then be expected to depart at the next stop, ready to catch the bus back in the other direction to peddle more goods.
7.
Transportation of live animals (no matter how dangerous) will be accepted. Whilst chickens are the typical animal of choice it is up to the passenger what they wish to bring onto the bus.
8.
The radio is under the control of the driver and the driver only. He will set the type (often mexican mariachie) and the volume. Passengers with bleeding eardrums will have no recourse towards the driver as written in the central american noise violation order of 1948.
9.
The horn is to be used at all stages of the journey. Passing, not passing, going straight, turning, seeing a hot girl on the side of the road all draw an appreciative honk from the bus driver. It is the drivers job to enusre that if the horn as not been pressed he must test the horn every 10 seconds to ensure proper working order.
10.
Any seat you can secure is considered golden, and you will not be required to move for the remainder of your journey, despite pregnant or aged woman, or anyone with trouble standing, even if you offer your seat you shall be politely refused, and then generally laughed at by the rest of the passengers, it pays to act like the locals do and sit back pretending to not notice events transpiring around you. The next best seat possible is the arm of a chair currently occupied by someone else, it is expected than an aisle stander may take up as much room on the seats by leaning pushing or squatting, as long as their bum does not touch the seat this will be accepted by the seated.


In the tradition of Phillips/Pilkington end of year best and worst awards, we have decided to give out a few awards of our own:

WORSTS
Dumbest Traveller Award
This has got to go to the New York Sex and the City couple Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber. I thought we were off to a rocky start when i asked her what she did and she told me she worked in TV. Really i said, yeah i work for the weather channel she replied, then she asked if we had that in Australia, well we have the australian weather channel i told her, yeah we heard you dont have any US channels down there she then replied... not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Stupidest Thing to Have Brought on the Trek Award
Hands down this has got to go to Carrie, bringing a hair straightener..... it didnt see a lot of use on the travels so was recently posted home! Although a stuffed toy tiger won in Vegas that has snuck into her bag may well be a contender!
Half Arsed Guide Award
This one brought about some very tough competition, but beating our volcano Pacaya guide who looked on as someone attempted to toast a marshmellow with a plastic fork was Jeff our Scuba Diving instructor in Honduras, who didnt pay alot of attention to making sure his bathers stayed up, and payed even less attention to his students, oh well it wasnt like we were doing anything life threatening!
Uncomfortable Moment Award
Sitting at the lunch table with our new Guatemalan family having the gandmother breakdown in tears about how much it costs to feed us, pass the bread if you please! Where is another earthquake when you need it!
Smallest but Biggest Prick Award
Has to go to the mosquito that gave me Dengue fever. What i wouldnt give to catch up with him again.

BEST
Sisters Doing it for Themselves Award
Carrie (my protegee) beating 24 other men to claim the first poker tournament we entered in a Guatemalan pub
Mythbusters Award
Goes to the New Zealand couple, Mat and Caro who have proved that not all New Zealanders are dickheads with mild intellectual disabilities and speach impediments. Come to think about it the only New Zealander i spend much time with is you though noods....
Out of the Clack moment of Brilliance Award
Well this one has got to go to yours truly. Travelling on the subway in New York, on the way to JFK airport, plenty of time, not gonna miss another plane we are thinking. All of a sudden it dawns on me that New York has 2 airports, get of the train i yell at the next stop, sure enough we flew out of Laguardia and made it just in time.

Honduras - The Original Banana Republic

Hello All

It has been sometime since the last blog, so this could be a long one, all due apologies etc. etc.

When we last left the blog we were about to undertake a weeklong Spanish course where, by the end, we would be speaking fluent spanish and conversing with locals to our hearts content. It was only on the second or third day that i realised that my one on one teacher had numerous nervous ticks, and that many words i thought were in spanish were actually his ticks! He was a friendly fellow though, and he kept me up to date on every football match Guatemala has played recently. Sadly the major thing i have learnt from the course is that Guatemalan football is crap, and that i dont speak much Spanish.

Our week in Antigua was a pleasant one, the school places you with a local family with whom you live with and eat with, and hopefully converse with. By the end of the week, we were speaking well and understood the financial hardships suffered by most guatemalan families, the fact that the family rarely got paid by the school and the fact that they needed to borrow money from us in order for them and us to eat... we did receive the money back, but things got a bit uncomfortable for a while there, but overall it was a great experience, it may help in future to take a packed lunch though.

The big news from Guatemala is that we lived through an earthquake. The "trembola" (not that sort Kev) lasted about 49 seconds (really not that kind) and shook the place about a bit, it was apparently 6.8 on the ricter scale off the coast and we only felt the after effects, a scary moment no doubt for some, but carrie and i handled ourselves with diginity befitting the reputation of tough Aussie travellers. Well Carrie took it well, i just about bowled the Grandma of the house over for a bid at the door frame!

We did have another special occasion in the house with a religous ceremony/parade passing straight past the house. It consisted off each house decorating the road in front with pine needles and religious icons, buying as many firecrackers as they can afford (some more than others sigh...) and the parade walking past with drums and whistles. The funny thing was that the parade has to stop (music and all) until each house lets off all their firecrackers, then they can continue. The problem being that guatemalans are generally nutcases and always pyro maniacs, and that they often take several minutes to discharge all of their fireworks (while holding them with their bare hands), the parade looks on bored, and the tourists look on ammused, then finally when the whislter has had enough, he starts his whistle and the parade continues leaving the nutbag dissapointed that he didnt manage to expend his entire arsenal of explosives. I have some cracking footage to bore you all with when i get home!

But the undoubted highlight of our time in Anitgua was a climb up Volcan "Pacaya" an active Volcano that has live lava flows down its sides. We went in the afternoon and were treated to some of the most amazing atmospheric foggy weather while climbing up, and then clear night skys as we climbed down by torchlight looking back at the glowing red lava behind us. There are not too many countries in the world that would let you climb up sharp slippery volcano rocks to stand about 2 metres away from "liquid hot magma" all with your guide somewhere off in the distance down the bottom of the slope. I had read in the book that several people die a year on the slopes, no way i thought as we climbed up, but at the top we came across three girls (definite future candidates for the darwin awards) attempting to toast marshmallows with 3 inch long plastic forks, "you probably havent thought that one through" we pointed out, at least they agreed and gave up before any more of their shoes melted.

We left Antigua for the Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, a beautiful place, with cheap food and hotels, a long time haunt for hippies and mushroom eaters. It is funny how you find travellers that have been in a place for one week longer than you have, have purchased numerous beaded necklaces, and have likely paid too much for a jamaican coloured bag that will look down their nose at "newbs" that have just arrived on the boat. The lake was a little like that, but needless to say it was still beautiful and we had a great time. But alas, we had to keep moving, so after a couple of days we were off down to the docks to get the ferry home, waved goodbye to our new comrades on the beach, gave the "newbs" a dissaproving look as they disembarked, making sure they had a good view of my newly purchased mayan pants (you will love them matty) and we were off to the Rio Dulce, some 9 hours of busses away. I suffered my first vomit of the trip, the roads are so windy, steep and pot holed i suffered a completely non drinking (i promise) vom out of the window, it seems my sea sickness has flared its ugly head again.

We boated from the Rio Dulce to Livingston, a carribean seaside fishing town, where English is the primary language. It seems historically the Brits sent pirates up and down the coast, and a number of these towns have survived since those days. The culture is really quite strange, sometimes hostile, but always good fun. We spent a couple of days here, a highlight being a 3 hour (each way) hike to a 7 tiered waterfall. The beach hike was completely deserted, and i must say i felt like James Bond as he stumbled upon Dr No´s beach, no Ursula Andress in a white bikini along for the ride though.
From Livingston, it was a ferry, a bus, a private taxi, a border crossing, a bus, another bus and then a ferry and we arrived on the Island Utilla. A small Island off the coast of Honduras, famous for the cheapest (and some of the best) Scuba Diving in the world. We attempted to sign up immediately for a 4 day Open Water Course but were told that Carrie would have to have a medical to be passed fit due to her past sinus surgery, we arrived at the Doctors Surgery at around 1 in the afternoon to be told he had gone home for the day. We eagerly lined up the next morning, and after a 5 hour wait we eventually got to see the great man. This doctor called himself Dr John shuffled into the surgery in bare feet, rasta head dress and a pair of short shorts. He sold T-shirts of himself and wrote "amusing" thoughts in the news paper, and had even published his own book on his one sentence thoughts about life. An interesting guy, it took him about half an hour with us to explain the intricacies of diving, ear surgery, other thoughts on life, and generally just how hard it is to come up with these thoughts every month, maybe ease back on taking so many patients a day and working so hard i said, not sure if he got that little "pearl", but regardless he cleared carrie and we were off.

We both pased our scuba training and exams with flying colours and are proud to say we are now fully licensed scuba divers for life ha! All of this on the back of learning that i am now a fully registered architect, it has been a big week for certificates! Make some room in the pool room!
From Utilla, we ferryed back to the mainland, more buses, and then more buses. It seems the further south the stranger the busses are! (bit like adelaide really) Our border crossing was a strange one, a terrible bus ride (see worst) where an old drunk man on the bus was cracking onto carrie most of the trip, i told him to cut it out and then he started spitting on the ground, and on carries bag, i grabbed his hat and cleaned things up and told him to piss off (i hope, i was attempting spanish), he moved on, but a hairy moment none the less. He eventually apologised and even helped us off the bus at the border. We arrived at the border at 6:30 knowing it shut at 7, a few frantic moments at the immigration window, a rickshaw that i decided i should ride over the border instead of the rickshaw operater (he sat next to carrie) saw us cross by the border by bicycle, a new one for us!

We have now taken one more strange bus, another chicken bus (named that because locals litteraly carry everything including chickens onto the buses) saw us sitting together 3 to a seat (that comfortably fits 2 young american school children). I felt something hitting the back of my leg, i kept kicking it back, no problem, but then the item slid forward again, i looked down to see a hessian sack, no worries probably full of rice i thought, i put my foot down on it. About 15 minutes later i was scared out of my chair, the sack had started moving, 2 inch claws and teeth started ripping through the sack. Much to the locals ammusement they informed me that it was the guy behind me´s (asleep at the time) dinner. Little consolation to me as this thing about the size of a small pig (i am sure it was a wolverine) bundled up in a thin sack was clawing to get free at my feet, good thing i have had my rabies shots i thought, because i was warned about this very situation by my travel Dr. (and i just thought he was trying to rip me off!) Knees around my chin (did i return that one KBR) i survived the rest of the trip, mostly laughing sometimes shitting myself. I guess that is what travelling is about sometimes, laughing when you are trying not to shit yourself!

Anyway we are in Leon now, a beautiful colonial town in Nicaragua, the Nicas already seem a friendly people so it should be fun, we leave this part of the world in 2 short weeks, it is very sad, it is a stunning region that we have enjoyed alot, but the states (and vegas baby) beckon. Sorry for the length of the blog, it is a monster, i hope you got through it! We look forward to getting some emails from you guys at home! And mum, get well!!!!!!

Love Brettski & Carrieski